Templar's Tavern

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No…not that TA…get your mind out of the gutter.  I’m talking about Twilight’ers Anonymous.  She is very cute in her complete immersion and obsession with these books and movie.  So because I love her, I went and took the “Which Twilight Hero Are You” quiz.

And…drum roll please…

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

 

You are talented, knowledgeable and people are drawn to you.  You like a good challenge and enjoy the company of a select few, but this is because you are picky and can be set in your ways.  Sometimes you over react when things don’t go well, but your intentions are good and you’re priority is protecting the ones that you love.

 

Hey…that does sound like me…smart quiz

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Mixed feelings.

The prospect of the first black president gladdens my heart.

The prospect of Barack Obama fills me with trepidation.

While I believe our republic would be significantly weakened by his presidency coupled with Pelosi and Reed, I love to see our democratic republic in action.

All walks of life. All colors. All Americans. All voting.

God Bless and God protect us all.

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I understand folks are angry.  Heck…I’m angry and about 40% poorer than I was a couple months ago.  15 years worth of my 401k savings have been ravaged along with everyone else.

However, as Goethe said, “Power corrupts.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  Look what happened to the Republicans…the party of fiscal restraint.  Bah.  Too much spending that’s what.  And they managed to get into that much trouble without all both houses of congress, a filibuster proof majority in the senate and the presidency all at once.

For those that read this and are in states with tight Senatorial elections, just take an extra moment to consider what your vote may mean.

Personally speaking, I tend toward the libertarian way of thinking, e.g., government should provide for the common defense and get out of our way otherwise.  WE should help our fellows and not depend on the government to do so.  That said, I certainly wouldn’t trust even my favorite elected officials to have all the keys to all the doors.  It’s just a bad idea.

Two things to think about:  Freedom of Choice Act and the Fairness Doctrine.

The first which during the primary season Obama stated he wanted to sign his first day in office, would strip state-sponsored restrictions on abortion.  This, of course, flies in the face of Obama’s pledge to try and find middle ground on this subject and would further divide an already badly fractured country.  Personally, again, I think Roe V. Wade is horrible law and should be remanded to the states per the 10th amendment.  However, since that isn’t likely to happen, I find it hard to believe that most folks find it acceptable for babies who are moments from live birth to be extracted feet first and then killed.  Nor do I think most folks find it acceptable that their 13 year old daughter could be given a medical procedure that could result in death or loss off fertility without their having given consent.  That’s the Freedom of Choice Act for ya…and there will need to be 41 Senators to stop it or whoosh…through it goes.

The fairness doctrine…neither fair nor a doctrine…discuss.  Seriously, the misnamed abomination is the antithesis of free speech.  It basically says that since the airways are provided by the government that equal time must be given to all points of view.  On the face of it, this doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but since radio stations are “for profit” enterprises, that airtime requires advertisers.  Advertisers, like there to be listeners that buy things.  Unfortunately, left leaning programming hasn’t found its audience and thus efforts like Air America have failed.  To force companies to give equal time to failed programming that few advertisers will support, will have a chilling effect on public discourse and many stations will simply eliminate their political programming to save the hassle.  The framers are spinning in their graves folks.

So whether you lean left or right…think this vote through.  Divided government provides checks and balances against corruption.  When you have Hillary Clinton in TV ads for Al Franken saying “we need 60 senators” to get our agenda through without obstruction, alarm bells should be going off in every American’s head.

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Thanks to all those who commented and for the many more who have offered words of hope and prayers.  Things seem to be trending up and I am cautiously optimistic.

Rachel seems to be doing better and that helps everything else be better as well.

Ben is on a new schedule at school where we homeschool a couple subjects in the morning and he takes a bit more than half his schedule on campus from mid morning to late afternoon.  That works much better for his circadian rhythm and we will continue to add additional classes as he is able to tolerate them.

More to come…

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So, my Hunny Bunny, the love of my life, lust of my loins and the guard at my back, has emotionally left the building.

I know its been a struggle lately so am not completely surprised, however given that this is the start of our family’s favorite time of year, it did catch me off guard.  I think it was yesterday’s healing mass that pushed her over the edge.  After two hours in mass, the kids just melted down and she left.

She doesn’t think God will heal Ben and maybe He won’t.

I prayed for that healing too, but at least for the grace to endure if He doesn’t.

So she’s feeling disconnected from God and simply doesn’t believe He has demonstrated any willingness to help out.  Why must Ben suffer with this illness, she ponders?  Why did her Mom have to die so young?  The questions are many and legitimate.

I’ve asked several of them myself.

I guess the difference between us is that I’ve come to expect life that includes intense amounts of suffering and try to hold on to those moments of joy within the crucible that is our lives.  For the most part these moments are enough for me.

This world view certainly makes me live life differently than others.  I can anticipate a dinner out or the season opening of a TV show the way some others might a cruise to Alaska.  I can worry about making the right financial decisions so much that I rarely take risks and thus rarely gain rewards.  Because of the current financial crisis, some have commended this as wisdom, but I know it’s root is fear.

My point is that I have learned some semblance of balance.  To be sure, several times a year I topple from my tightrope, run my fingers through my hair and freak out.  This usually lasts a couple hours and then I’m good for another several months.  The last time was when Ben had refused to go to school.  The school that I moved heaven and earth to get him into and committed a vast percentage of our resources.  That wasn’t a good day.

One of the reasons, I recover reasonably quickly is because I have a partner in all this.  Metaphorically speaking, Rachel and I stand back to back and brandish our swords at the world’s onslaughts like two warriors from a Homeric poem.  To mix metaphors, when these situations conspire to serve as Kryptonite sapping my strength and will, Rachel’s love always serves as sunlight to Superman…recharging me and giving me what I need to press on.

Well, I’m shivering in a world shadowed by a total eclipse of the sun.

There’s a movie called “What Dreams May Come.”  It’s about the afterlife and I don’t subscribe to its world view at all, but there is a scene in it that describes my situation perfectly.  Suicides in this movie are shown to exist in a hell of their own making.  This place is a cold, monochromatic place of sadness and suffering.  The husband in this story dies in an accident and “wakes up” in the afterlife.  When learns what happens to suicides he begins a quest to find the soul of his wife, who killed herself years before.  He finds her shivering in gray and black house that represents a shadow of the home in which they had lived and loved.  He tries to free her, but she won’t go.  She believes she is where she is meant to be.  She doesn’t deserve the light and warmth of heaven.  He persists and will not leave her, but the very environment began to sap his strength.  Soon they will both be trapped…only when she realizes that he would rather share hell with her than heaven without does she relent and allow herself to be saved.

*sigh*  I love movies with happy endings.

So the person I love most in this world believes she is unworthy of that love.  Feels so unique as to believe her mistakes are more epic than those made by the rest of us and are therefore worth condemnation.  Has lost faith in a personally connected God, and cannot, or will not, give or receive happiness or love.

Lest my secular friends throw out pop psychology references to Co-Dependency, I will clearly state that I have a healthy respect for myself and believe that I am a good husband and father.  I work hard, provide for them, demonstrably love them, and, by the grace of God, have never even bent on of my marital vows.

For my Christian friends, no, God is not enough.  We can parse words and I’ll stipulate that the failing is mine and if I were stronger in my faith, God would be enough.  Fine.  But that’s not where things are.  Rachel is at that stage where she doesn’t want any help.  Partly because she’s convinced she doesn’t deserve the help, partly because she doesn’t think it will make a difference, and partly because she sees that many of our friends have their own challenges and doesn’t want to add to them.

For now, here I sit.  Alone in a cold, dark, and unfriendly place.  I pray God can end this eclipse because nothing can live in the dark forever and I’m getting weaker with each passing moment.

Rachel and I both love Shakespeare and this line keeps running through my head:

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.

Pray for Rachel; pray for me; pray for our family.

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Thanks to everyone who commented, new and old, and even more thanks to all who have prayed and continue to pray for Ben and the family.  A priest is visiting our parish this Sunday who has a healing ministry.  He will be celebrating the noon mass at St. Andrew and we will be laying hands and annointing Ben.  Anyone who can fit it into their schedule, it would be great to see you.  I’m praying it will provide healing or a the grace to bear the challenges.  Further, I believe it will be a powerful message for Ben to see folks praying on his behalf.  Today on his way to school when we talked about it, this was his response:

“I think there are lots of people in the world that need more healing than me, but it would be great.  I could just be a normal boy.”  I’m verklempt talk amongst yourselves.

Anyway, my formerly imminent stroke and/or cardiac event seems to have been postponed due to the fervent prayers of others.  I haven’t quite decided how I feel about that since was looking forward to hangin’ with Jesus, but what the heck there are a few tasks God evidently needs me to do yet and some things I’m looking forward to:

1. Keep Family from Imploding
2. Convince Rachel that she doesn’t suck as a mother
3. Coach Andrew in the ways of Women
   • One must speak to girls in order to have future interactions
   • One must interact with girls to determine if you like any of them
   • One should like a girl to date one
   • One should date a girl to court a girl
   • One should court a girl (and go thru pre cana) to marry a girl
   • One should marry a girl to make Grandbabies for me…and that’s really what all this is about.
4. Walk Autumn down the aisle dressed in white, rather than the eggshell that her mother had to wear
5. Help Ben be the best Ben he can be
6. Become old and wrinkly with my Hunny Bunny

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Yes, for the first time since establishing my Ben Coping Capacity over a year ago, it has reached the lowest level on the scale…a 1.

Given the visual, there really isn’t a zero on the scale, but I suppose I might have to invent a zero, however it will likely need to be changed by someone else ’cause I’m pretty sure a zero BCC means I’m with Jesus…weee!

So, what happened?

I’m late for a work meeting because I was caught on a string of conference calls since 8:00 am this morning.  Things are very hectic and I’m trying to get my bearings on what the rest of my double booked day is shaping up to be.

Phone Rings — Ben’s School.

Oh Shit!

Person on the other end sounds freaked out.  Ohhhh Shit !!!

“Ben ran away and we can’t find him.  We tried calling Rachel but couldn’t reach her.  If you aren’t close, we’re going to need to call the police.”

 I’m literally walking to a meeting downtown and after getting my car with traffic it could easily take me more than an hour to get back, not to mention that there is a limit to how understanding one’s work can be about family issues.  I explain that I’m too far away to do any immediate good and that they should call the Police.

Anyway, long story short…the principal finds Ben at the same time the Police roll up and he gives Ben the choice, come back to school or go with the Police.  Ben makes the first good decision of the day and opts for door #1.

Now I should say that Ben’s school is not at fault here.  They are great people and doing great work.  That said, this kind of thing really freaks them out and Ben is on double secret probation.  I have to go and meet with them before work tomorrow and hash things out.  The net of this hashing is that if Ben pulls this stuff again, he could be expelled.

Trust me…that would be very very bad for the Ross Family.  So, please, pray for us and pray for Ben.

Rachel and I are running on fumes at the same time and usually one of us is tanked up when the other is dry.

For my Catholic friends, please consider praying a special Rosary for Rachel and ask our Blessed Mother to intercede as only she can, one mother for another.  I love my Rach and know her to be a great Mom even when she can’t believe it herself.

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Here’s the latest headline:

What’s the difference between Palin and Muslim fundamentalists? Lipstick

Pithy…yes, but that kind of lunacy will simply continue the generate more votes for McCain-Palin.  So, keep it up!

That said, both Christians and Muslims should both be offended by the contents of this hit piece.  Only a panicked and radical secular progressive could insult two major religions in one fell swoop while failing to achieve their own personal objectives.  Well Done… well done, indeed.

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With a brilliant VP pick and a better VP performance in recent days, McCain has solidified his base and is now free to be who his is…McCain. I’m quite sure that his acceptance speech was the first time the new head of the party ripped his new party for being co-opted by the very environment they had promised to change. Make no mistake, not just the liberals are freaking out, those that make a comfy living on our dissension on gridlock are in a panic. Whatever you may think of Barak Obama, he has never shown any inclination or ability to drive consensus across party lines. Nor has he shown any ability or inclination to break from his own party.

Both will be required to break the ideological mire in which we find ourselves.

Check this out…




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